FEAR AND IMMORTALITY

If I'm honest, I have had some strange fears recently that I am working on overcoming. Things that I thought I was passed, but apparently still need to work through.  They are spiritual fears, and I am sure I am not the only one who has had them, and I feel like they need to be acknowledged in order for me to begin working through them. For me, writing out what I am feeling helps clear my mind in a great way and helps me understand even more what I am really feeling and taking some of the emotion out of it.

I have lots of fears, I've lived through a lot, and I tend to hold on to bitterness way too long even if I think I have forgiven someone. Its a definite downfall of mine which I know I need to work on, and some of my fears I feel come from some of my unforgiveness and bitterness from my past.

I am currently going through some personal/spiritual fears that not only are adding the aspect of fear to my life, but also stress because I am CONSTANTLY thinking about things like this:

• How am I going to find time to do more for Christ?
• What am I being called to do?
• When I figure out my calling, is it going to be something I WANT to do?
• Is it going to be something safe?
• Will my life be at risk?
• Will my family's safety be in question?

I believe these fears stem from what I went through and experienced as a child/young teen watching my parents in ministry. When they were called it affected all of us. It took us to a third world country and destroyed us. It destroyed our family, and it individually destroyed each of us emotionally and spiritually. I don't want to put my family through that... I've been there, done that and don't want to re-live it. So how do I move past these fears? I believe it begins with prayer and turning those fears over to God. It begins with me letting go and trusting that God knows what is best for me and my family. I don't have to make the same mistakes my parents made, I don't even have to make the same decisions they did. I get to do what God puts on my heart and calls me specifically to do and if I am following in his footsteps and trying to mirror him then I won't make the same mistakes.

One thing I heard someone say at church this past Sunday as we are going through a Study on Revelation is that "We are immortal until God is finished with us.". That really hit me in a crazy way and made me realize that I don't need to fear death or fear putting my family in a position where their safety is questioned. If I am heading God's call. He is not going to let anything happen to us until he is done with us.

I am not sure what I am being called for yet, but I feel like its going to be something big and it scares me. I so badly want to dive deep into God's love and grace and find out what it is, but I also want to run and stay in my bubble of being "Just OK".

1 Peter 5: 6-7 says "Therefore, Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for he cares for you." 

My goal moving forward with these fears is to take that verse to heart and bring myself humbly before God in prayer, asking him to take those fears and mold me into the woman, wife and mother he needs me to be in order to answer to his calling.